Funny Craigslist Posting

6 06 2010

best of craigslist > seattle > Dear University Alumni Office Originally Posted: Fri, 26 Feb 11:35 PST

Dear University Alumni Office


Date: 2010-02-26, 11:35AM PST


Dear University Alumni Office,

I’m sorry to hear that the university’s $750 million endowment has fallen in value to $500 million because of the recession and because your bank died. I’m also sorry to hear that you’re dealing with declining enrollment due to the fact that middle-class families are no longer willing or able to bet their homes on a $45,000-a-year higher education for their children. I really am.

So, what I want to know is, why are you wasting money on glossy fundraising brochures full of meaningless synonyms for the word “Excellence”? And, why are you sending them to ME? Yes, I know that I got a master’s degree at your fine institution, but that master’s degree hasn’t done jack shit for me since I got it! I have been unemployed for the past TWO YEARS and I am now a professional resume-submitter, sending out dozens of resumes a month to employers, and the degree I received in your hallowed halls is at the TOP OF IT and it doesn’t do a fucking thing.

You know, maybe if you wanted a little bit of money from me (and these days you’d get about $3) maybe you should send me a fancy color brochure admitting your role in the bubble economics that got us all in to this mess.

For example, since 1987, higher education expenses have gone up 450 percent, while personal income in this country has gone up 87 percent, making tuition IMPOSSIBLE to afford without special financing. But, during this time, you were thriving because people could come up with the cash in two ways:

1. Get a home equity loan and use the inflated value of their house to pay for their kid to get drunk and/or raped at your school and then lose the house when the market crashed.
2. Get a federal loan.

HAD IT OCCURRED TO YOU THAT NEITHER OF THESE SOURCES OF MONEY ACTUALLY EXIST? THAT IT WAS BEING MANUFACTURED BECAUSE YOU MADE PEOPLE THINK THAT ONE OF YOUR DEGREES WAS NECESSARY TO CLIMB TO THE TOP OF THE BUBBLE?

Oh yes, federal loans. I’ve got $40,000 of those, which are in “forebearance” right now because I’m unemployed, meaning that the feds are paying the interest for a while, which is convenient for me, but not for our government which is now owned by China. You know, the idea behind federal loans was that it would allow more students to attend your university, not let you INFLATE your tuition to obscene levels! I mean, what the fuck were you spending the $16,000 per semester on, anyway? I was in a public policy program, so that meant we got to sit in classrooms and listen to Professor God up at the front of the lecture hall glorify Himself and Creation as He saw it and talk about how much smarter he was than anyone else and how much he’d learned at MIT and the RAND Corporation.

Really, that’s about all you did for us — gave us a lecture hall, gave us an arrogant bastard to listen to, and gave us a room full of computers we could use sometimes, and you gave us a degree that employers look at and say “This guy knows how to write reports. Amusing.” And I will be paying for this privilege until I am 51 years old.

So I’m sorry that the economy’s been rough on you. Maybe, if you wanted to save a little money, you could stop printing and sending brochures to my parents’ house (oh yeah, that’s where I live because I can’t afford rent on ANYTHING). And, maybe I’ll donate a little bit of money to you in 2030, when I get the loans for your imaginary education PAID OFF!

Sincerely yours,
Alumnus

  • Location: Seattle, WA
  • it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 1619190174





A Conversation With God

12 04 2010

God, I have had nothing but problems lately. My bank account is empty, I am not where I want to be professionally, and my life is not where I would like for it to be. I try to be faithful to you and believe that you will make a way out, but I feel like you have turned your back on me…

Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” So we say with confidence, “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?”

Hebrews 13:5-6

But God, why do I feel like whenever I try to move forward, I am constantly drawn backwards??? What did I do for you to allow horrible things to happen to me and those around me?

My son, do not despise the LORD’s discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.

Proverbs 3:11-12

Does love hurt? Should love be so punishing and vengeful? How can you say that you love me and punish me at the same time?

A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.

Proverbs 29:11

Well why do you test me in the first place?

Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

James 1:12

So these are all tests of my perseverance? You have a plan for me?

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11

I think I understand. I should have faith, right?

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.

Hebrews 11:6

But what about my bank account? I surely would like an iPad.

Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world — the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does — comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever.

1 John 2:15-17

Lord thank you for the wake up call. I am sorry for doubting you and losing my faith in you!

Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Philippians 4:9





Memphis Wrestling Throwback

10 04 2010

A couple of years ago over at YMSWWC, I wrote a piece about my top 10 all time favorite Memphis Wrestlers (click here for link) and the response was amazing. From time to time, I will reminisce about the days of Memphis Wrestling (Channel 5 Wrestling as us locals called it). This was as much of my childhood as anything else, and today I will do a quick post on Reggie B. Fine.

Sadly I could not find much, if any, background info on him, but Reggie B. Fine was as great of a smack talker as their was in Memphis Wrestling. His in-ring ability left something to be desired, but he could connect with a crowd like no one’s business. Check out this youtube clip of Reggie B. Fine and WWE Hall of Famer KoKo B. Ware during their feud:





Remind Me Not To Drink Tecate Ever Again

4 04 2010

Sometimes after a long day at work, we wanna relax and unwind. Some people watch TV, some get on the internet, others play video games. Men by and large (including myself on occasion) enjoy a simple cold beer out of the fridge. If a man’s home is his castle, a nice brew is the official beverage of choice. However, you generally would like to have only beer in the container.

For Everett Johnston of Crystal Beach, TX, he learned that you should probably not assume that your beer will not come with a protein surprise. After grabbing a cold Tecate Light our of the fridge, he noticed that his beer didn’t taste quite right. Upon further review, he noticed that their was a rat’s head floating inside. So what does any red blooded American man do when he has the severed head of Chuck E. Cheese swimming in his Mexican cerveza? He sues!

He is suing Heineken, the U.S. distributor for Tecate for an undisclosed amount. He claims that as a result of the incident, he can only eat foods prepared in front of him and he is traumatized whenever he eats out of the can. He has a point: anyone who has ever eaten a can of Vienna sausages is taken their lives into their hands. Besides, what part of the pig does SPAM actually come from?

The lesson learned here is simple: before you drink your beer, glance inside of it first. True, beer should not be like a box of Cracker Jack where you find a sticker of a magic decoder ring on the inside. But at the same time, if you see one of the characters from Mickey Mouse, Ratatouille, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Billy the Exterminator, or Michael Vick’s basement in your favorite beverage, do not be surprised.





Happy Easter!!!

3 04 2010




I Made It!!!!!

22 03 2010

I have my first post at MoonDog Sports up!!! Check it out at http://moondogsports.com/2010/03/22/the-ole-miss-mascot-conundrum/





Political Rant Vol. 1

21 03 2010

From time to time, I will rant about politics and express my political beliefs. I once studied political science at Tennessee State University, in between having fun and calling Nashville “my personal playground.” By no means am I an “expert.”

To disclose: I was once a mercenary volunteer for the Gore/Lieberman 2000 Presidential campaign. I am a little jaded obviously. People are quick to say that Bush stole the election that year. I am very quick to respond that Al Gore LOST HIS HOME STATE OF TENNESSEE WHICH IF HE HAD WON WOULD HAVE GIVEN HIM THE ELECTION! Of course, I usually say this in all caps. I remember watching “The U” on ESPN, which is a documentary about the University of Miami’s football team from the early 80’s to the mid-90’s. If you have not seen this documentary, I would encourage you to watch, as the entire series of documentaries that ESPN has done is easily the best and most entertaining that the network has done in years. Jimmy Johnson, one of the former head coaches for Miami who would go on to coach the Dallas Cowboys and is now pimping Extenze, was dealing with his players after a particularly painful loss to Notre Dame. The Miami team pointed out the missed calls that the referees made in the game. Johnson was also quick to point out that the failure of the Miami team to put Notre Dame away when it had the chance cost them the game, not the refs. The moral: What could you have done to ensure total victory?

So while I do lean towards Democratic principles, I do agree with some of the Republicans traditional ideologies, such as pro-life and fiscal responsibilities in relation to government. I do consider myself independent, and have voted for both Republican and Democratic candidates for different offices. What I do not like is anyone who are so closed-minded that they refuse to give an opinion a second thought if it comes from someone who is affiliated with the opposite party.

Read the rest of this entry »